If you’ve ever been told to “stop tapping,” “sit still,” or “focus,” then you already know how misunderstood fidgeting and stimming are—especially when you're ADHD.

So, what even is fidgeting or stimming?

Fidgeting is often a physical or sensory behavior that helps ADHD brains stay regulated, alert, or calm. Stimming (short for self-stimulatory behavior) is usually more repetitive and can include sounds, movements, or habits like chewing on things or leg bouncing. For many of us, they’re necessary tools, not optional distractions.

And yes—fidgeting helps us focus. Experts like Dr. Roland Rotz and Dr. Sydney Zentall have shown that intentional, deliberate fidgets (like doodling while listening, or squeezing a ball during homework) increase dopamine and norepinephrine levels—the same brain chemicals targeted by ADHD medication.

My Story

I know I’ve always been a fidgeter.

When I was a kid and got really excited, I’d press all my fingertips together and rub my hands like little jellyfish. It was instinctive—pure, joyful energy pouring out of me. That was my stim. It was how my body expressed excitement and helped process the buzzing thoughts in my brain.

But I remember learning, very early on, that this wasn’t okay. It’s actually the first thing I ever got bullied for. And I remember trying really hard to stop. Not because it hurt anyone, but because I didn’t want to be seen as weird.

Eventually, these stims became more invisible but also more harmful. I traded joy and self-regulation for silence and shame. And I know I’m not alone.

I started picking my skin, chewing my lips, cracking my knuckles. I swapped out a perfectly fine, totally safe stim, for some that aren’t safe. Picking my nails, skin and chewing my lip have all led to scars, hangnails, ingrown nails, and bleeding. I had plenty of safe stims too-I made sounds with my mouth (my current one sounds exactly like emptying pockets in Minecraft), and if I had a pen and paper, I would doodle. Constantly. Every margin, every worksheet, every meeting.

The thing is—I never stopped stimming. I just started doing it in ways that felt “safer,” - but the irony was that what was “safer” was actually doing more harm.. But what I needed was stims that were less noticeable and when I look back now, it’s obvious what was happening: I was masking. Trying to make myself smaller, quieter, less “other.”

It took me a long time to realize that what I was doing wasn’t wrong. That these small actions weren’t quirks or habits—they were strategies. Tools. Ways of helping my brain do what it needed to do.

The Fidget Toy Backlash (And What People Got Wrong)

A few years back, fidget toys were everywhere. Spinners, cubes, stretchy bands—you name it. They were marketed as tools to help kids with ADHD stay focused, and for a brief moment, it felt like people were starting to get it. That maybe there was finally space for neurodivergent brains to be supported instead of silenced.

But it didn’t last.

Soon, fidget toys became just another playground trend. Neurotypical kids started using them—not because they needed to focus, but because they were fun. And honestly, that’s not the problem. Everyone should be able to fidget. What did become a problem was how adults responded.

Instead of recognizing that these tools were being misused because no one had been taught what they were actually for, many schools and parents cracked down. The tools got banned. The term “fidget” got diluted, even mocked. What had started as a supportive strategy for neurodivergent kids was suddenly treated like a distraction—something frivolous or annoying. And the stigma grew.

But here’s the thing: fidgeting isn’t a distraction from focus—it’s often the thing that enables it.

ADHD brains are wired differently. We have lower baseline levels of dopamine and often experience underarousal in parts of the brain responsible for attention, motivation, and executive function. Fidgeting—whether it's doodling, tapping, chewing gum, or pacing—activates these systems. It adds just enough stimulation to help us stay grounded, engaged, and present.

Research has shown that simple movement boosts the same brain chemicals that ADHD medications target. Deliberate, low-distraction fidgets can help block out the noise, soothe anxiety, and keep us anchored during repetitive or overwhelming tasks.

In short: fidgeting works. The problem isn’t with the kids who need it—it’s with the systems that keep misunderstanding it.

Let The People Fidget in Peace

We all fidget. We all stim. Some of us bounce our knees or tap our fingers. Some chew gum or twirl hair. Some open the same game app ten times in an hour just to give the brain a place to go.

And that’s okay.

Fidgeting can be:

A release valve for anxiety.
A bridge to focus.
A form of joy and self-expression.
A connection point—“wait, you do that too?”

These small movements aren’t meaningless. They’re functional. They’re protective. They’re ours.

But when we tell someone to stop their stim, we’re not just interrupting a behavior—we’re disrupting their regulation system. We’re making them feel “too much” for doing what actually helps them not feel overwhelmed.

And we often don’t even realize it. That tap, that doodle, that quiet hum—it might be the thing keeping someone tethered. Taking that away without understanding why it’s there? That’s not support. That’s erasure.

What we need is compassion. Curiosity. Space.

Because fidgeting isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a tool to support. It’s how some of us manage a brain that doesn’t always work the way the world expects. And it’s time we stopped apologizing for that.

Does this mean you have to put up with every annoying little thing someone does? No, it just means you should approach that conversation differently. It can be wildly overstimulating if someone near you is popping their gum, drumming their fingers and bouncing their leg. But instead of getting irritated and demanding they stop, you can engage in conversation, and offer alternatives or explain why it might be distressing to you as well.

Or you can remember why they might be stimming so much and simply move to another seat.

So stim. Fidget. Chew your pen cap. Pop your fingers. Do your little Minecraft sound. And let other people do theirs.

We don’t need fidget police.
We need permission to be ourselves.

PS- Check out some of my favorite fidget, stim, and sensory toys below on Amazon. I only recommend things I have actually tried, and loved and these all seriously slap.